Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Lets jump up & down & pretend its ok :D

nothing to say just to watch i guess? enjoy if you like this.. it's so sweet how he took care of his fiance even though she's not really her old self anymore. I want to be exactly like him, i'll b there through the highs and the lows.. even if he gets sick like Chris Medina's fiance. I am feeling alot better thanks to a few friends, sorry didnt reply any private messages. I just simply didnt know what to write, and thanks to my beshties Myra, Eika, and Effa for being there for me and making me feel better, thanks to Marija, Isyamir, and Syahmi for asking me to share the problem. Love all you guys, thanks for being the most awesome friends ever(eventhough we never met before) :) cheers,

Thanks a bundle,

Ave The Strange.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Drowning & nobodies saving me

hye, so lately i have been gloomy and not bright like i used to b. life looks so dark nowadays that it frightens me, nobodies there to hear me out on my problems not even my my bf(now my ex) its frustrating to try to speak out when no one is listening, and your screaming to the top of your lungs and nobody cares. i feel like i've lost all hope in living at all. everything thats dear to me are taken away and in a few more days or month i'm surely goona give up for good cuz i;m just waiting for that buzzer to sound. i cant stand watching every one that i love in pain and i;m the one who stands by to listen to them taking up all their fear and pain to make them feel better when i myself am in pain & no one ever wants to save me not even the dearest to me. To the people around me, i;m selfish cuz i dont give them what they can give me, money, help, food, fun! but they dont see that all i want is a talk, a hug, some caring and love. When i;ve been trying to give them all that they wouldnt even care to notice. I am a nobody i have nothing more to give other than that, and i've given up hope in all of the creatures that are men. They dont care, they just give pain. they give hope and take it away, they leave their children, loved ones, wife or anything else for fun, for joy they only come back when they want love. some people might like that but for me, a person who lived alone her whole life, and the only love that i get is from my mother who is hardly home working. & my brother who left the house when i was in primary school to live in the hostel. my only best friend is myself, the only person who knew what men did to me is me. people around me dont know anything that happened to me. i never share cuz no one listens. & when i try to trust, i'm decieved and i'm left to suffer alone. all i wanted was to be happy and no one could give me that and now more torture is given to my family and me. and i finally think that its time for me to leave. And no one would care if i go, so i'll suffer slowly to my end. whatever it takes to end the misery through the pills or the smoke. i'll just end up another pile of dirt right? till we meet again(if we do) take care. Salam

Love you till death,

Ave The Strange.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I just wanna runaway

havent written in a decade & lately i cant tell you how depressed i am & i havent really been myself lately, really feel like jumping off a bridge or just slashing my face with razors(thats how depressed i feel). & thanks to he is we for making me smile lately their songs are really nice & helps me get to sleep at night. i'm not realy gonna tell you guys about the major reason why i'm depressed cuz this time i feel its just killing me, im just gonna tell you guys about the small stuff that is making me depressed. Last month my lappy crashed and caused me to loose two of my major projects and caused me to repeat one of them that would cost me a few hundred ringgits thanks for nothing PC. & i need a new laptop too to top that off i need a camera too!! so adding it all up repeating subjct(not gonna tell you how much)+new lappy(about 4000)+a new camera(about 2000) = alot to think of. So thanks to some of my friends for cheering me up and making me feel alot more happier then i have been a few months, & thank you for all the other people that have been making me feel like crap cuz u guys are awesome & spectacular!! for now i dont think i'll be posting much & i wont be happy or jolly about anything so if anything good comes along i'll be sure to notify you guys. Thanks for reading & understanding.

Lots of love,

Ave The Strange.