hye guys, sorry but this post wont be the happy me writing normal stuff that i usually do. its just that i've been through a lot lately and i think that if i dont do this now i'll just fall apart peice by piece. My life has been going down hill since early this year, sorry to let you know but since the new year i have not been very happy, my mind is never at ease i cry a lot, i cant sleep, i cant do anything or i'll just mess up! i cant even have a conversation with anyone cause i'll turn out boring and dull. i've been praying to god to just wash away all these things that keep bothering my mind, i've never been this fragile all my life. i used to be like "oh, so u hate me then thats fine. just leave then," and i dont mean this only in relationship i used to be like this even in friendship. i used to be so strong and i could just control my feelings, i could hold back my tears on anything till lately its been draining out of my eyes each and everynight. some nights if i'm lucky enough i wont cry, if theres someone there to make me think of other things i wont. i really feel like running somewhere with no one there to bother me, so i can cry and scream and yell all i want cause right now i need to protect myself so no one else would get hurt. i feel so plastic sometimes, pretending to like someone that i dont just so i wont cry at night because they make me happy. some of my friends arent even friends, they just text me or im me about whatever and i'll just laugh along because it uses up my time. So yes, i'm plastic i'm a faker, i fake my feelings. but is it wrong that i'm doing this? i feel regret in my vains. why am i doing this?? its all happening right now since the new year and i just dont want to do this anymore. i just want to smile like i used to, cry when i want to and theres always someone there to comfort me and hug me to make me feel okay. i just miss being happy, and i keep praying that this wrong step, the wrong choice/path that i've taken will lead me to happiness somehow. i dont know maybe this is all a mistake, or maybe its just a test? all i can do now is keep on going. should i keep on faking or should i just stop this nonsense now? oh god please help me..
solo quiero encontrar el verdadero amor, y quiero que él aquí conmigo ahora
i am from a small town in langkawi, a place thats dear 2 my little heart. i love my hometown so much!! i have 2 bestfriends which i will write a lot in this blog "myra" & "eyka". they r the world to me, the most greatest friends i ever had. so, i am just that. a loveabble person, a little optimistic and a little bit rusty over the edge :)